Hello beautiful souls <3
Its been awhile since I last blogged...so here goes...
Being inspired opens up many doors for us. Paths cross for a reason and some how we just have a gut feeling that this is the right path.
When we become more open we then see the wonderful magic of the Universe and the endless opportunities that it can bring us. There is much that is within our grasps so just allow and feel without trying to place any expectations on the out come, just enjoy being in the moment.
Recently I have just joined a writing group and I am loving it.....I had in my head an idea of what I would like to write and just by being inspired I find I am writing something completely different, not sure where it is going but it feels so good and so right. I have to laugh at myself
as what comes within when I write but hey you never know one day there on a book shop shinning brightly in gold and red letters is my book...No. 10 La Rue.
Just by being open it has helped me to go with the flow. We all have access to find something that will really inspires us, to give us a challenge, to grow and to learn from each experience and from
every soul that comes into our paths. Letting go of fixed ideas is so liberating as it then frees us up so we can become the person that we truly are. Sharing with you all some words that I was inspired to write within our group. On a personal level it feels like something in me has
at last shifted as the last paragraph just says it all.
I awoke to the sound of rain on the windows, as I drew back the curtains I could just see the sun started to rise casting shadows of light that filter through my eyes..then I remember…a lump in my throat appears, feeling nauseas I make my way to the bathroom.
Anxiety grips my whole body as the realisation of the day before hits me like a ton of bricks. Feeling wiped out I wash my face in cold water. Sad eyes looked back at me in the mirror……is it for real I ask myself . Yes it is I hear my son speak instantly picking up my thoughts. We both stare at each other…how, why, we do not know but from that moment onwards our life changed dramatically.
Phone ringing constantly, friends and family offering words of comfort. I can not speak, no words I cannot find. The sun had gone in my heart which felt like shards of ice that ripped it apart. How can I find my way back from this ? Despair, disbelief as the day before events unravel itself.
I find myself crouching behind the sofa not wanting to face the outside world wishing it would just stop for a moment. My mind is in a turmoil as I keep going over the day before.. What if I had been with him, could I have saved him on that fateful day. You see know one really knows how or why it happened. Questions unanswered….I wait anxiously for the police to give me some more information, they look puzzled and confused just like me.
Fate has a funny way of showing itself. Life is like a game of chance, where will it take you…and what will you find. Here I sit not wanting to face it for if I did it would seem real. No one likes the truth that is staring you right in the face.
The day before had started in its usual way. No sun this morning I said to myself, as I pulled back the curtains just rain and mist, Cornish drizzle we call it. My faithful friend sat eager by my side waiting for her daily walk. Over the cliffs and to the beach they would go. She wagged her tail patiently to get her lead and to take a steady pace.
Love you he said as he closed the door behind him. They were back within the hour, rain had stopped their play. Love you he says again as he drives off in his car.
No more words of love he will never say again, no more words will come from his voice, just memories that are etched in my heart for evermore. 5pm that day search and rescue came and the police too but to no avail he had already gone. My life changed in a blink of an eye how will I cope on the dark nights of my soul. That morning sunshine was now a day of suffering.
I feel the pain searing my heart, tears will not fall as I sit in shock drinking endless cups of tea. How can it be, it is not what I had signed up for. I felt cheated and so alone. How can it ever be the same and will I be able to feel love again. Arms around me hold me tightly but it’s not the arms that should be there.
They say time is a healer but life can be so unfair. So I say to you all just do what makes your heart sing. Love hard and live your life as it’s the last…Life is our choice so make it a good one.
I close the door on outside life knowing this is a time for growth and change to look within and to see the darkness that is there before me. Tears now streaming will they ever stop? Its time to say goodbye I hear him whisper in my ear Love you one last time.
That morning feeling is now just a distance memory. The past has gone…I am awake at last… Hello morning sunshine here I come…I’m back where I belong.
4 years on I make my peace with these words that I was inspired to write and I hope my words will help you if your suffering with grief.
It will get better slowly, taking one day at a time. Remember to honour yourself and give permission for yourself to grieve. Loving yourself is the most important thing that we all need to do.
Sending much love and light you all Susie <3 <3 <3
#Healing #Inspired #writing #grief #lovingyourself #findingpeace #love